What's Wrong With 120?

Today, while the doctor and I were discussing my weight goal I had mentioned 120. She said that my BMI would be more like 131. Right now I would be happy to be either, but let's take a moment to discuss this.

Last week I had someone else, online who doesn't even know me, ask why 120? Why not, I would like to know?

Here's the thing. At 18 I weighed 104. Then, I weighed 132 at 9 months pregnant with my second child. I lost all that weight and was at 109 three weeks after having that baby number 2. I slowly gained weight to 115 and stayed there. That is what I weighed on my wedding day. That was my simple weight without much effort while I lived out an ordinary life.

Then, after the wedding I went to school, ate junk out of the vending machines when I was hungry, and gained 15 pounds. I was mortified to be weighing then what I had weighed while I was in a full-term pregnancy. Looking back, I now know what they had meant when they said I was all baby! Anyway, I lost most of the extra weight, all except 5 pounds. I was at 120. I was good with that. I worked out, stayed strong and in shape. Not the best shape of my life, but good enough. I stayed a simple 120 without much effort while I lived out an ordinary life.

Then, I gained during the stressful changes in our lives of owning businesses and dealing with the joys of self-employment. Now I'm trying to loose my weight and I'm aiming for my 120 again. I'm not aiming for my pre-baby 104, nor my after baby-wedding weight of 115. I'm aiming for a reasonable 120. It seemed reasonable enough while I was looking at it from behind looking up at that 120; now, for some reason when people look down at if from way up here where I am today, people want to gripe about my 120 goal as if it's some anorexic evil.

My 120 weight wasn't stick thin.... it was a perfect and reasonable weight for me. Why must I now settle for 131 because in the interim I've gained weight and now want to return. Must I forever give up the 11 pounds between 120 and 131 because I failed to keep myself there? Had I not gained the weight I wouldn't have been advised to gain 11 more pounds... but, right now I'm supposed to stop at 131. Did I pass some point of no return when I gained the weight? The message seems to say, "So sorry... you may have been fine at one time to be 120, but now that you've left it behind you're no longer allowed to return. That bridge has been burned."

I hear people use babies or age as an excuse for gaining weight. I just don't see that as an excuse. Maybe a temporary one, but not a permanent one. Now, if we are happy being where we are, then there's not a problem with it, as long as it's healthy. I think people get so used to the bigger them that when they finally do loose, they suddenly feel it's just too skinny - it's just not them. Well, it hasn't been them because they've been big for so long.... but, I bet there was a time that size was just fine being them.... speaking of adult years, not the teenage years. It was fine then, so why not now? Because they're just not used to it, is all.

There's no reason my 120 goal should be a gripe. I could see with all the muscle that I will be building during these torturous routines I'm fighting through I may weigh more than my 120, while still having the same build and figure I did at that 120 - just a bit stronger. That would be fine. I just want the comfy me back.... and, most recently, that was 120.